BDSM Glossary

Ãf, Terms From: Miller and Devon  ÃffÃ,¢e  TMs Glossary in: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The romance and sexual sorcery of sadomasochism (1995) (p.226-240).

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Age play - A type of role play to gratify a fetish surrounding age; typically daddy/child or mommy/child fantasies [see also: Infantilism].

Algolagnia - The act of transforming pain into sexual pleasure. A synonym for sadomasochism (SM). [see Sadism, sadist; Sadomasochism; Masochism, masochist].

Alternative sexuality - A sexual orientation that differs from a preference for vaginal intercourse (with minor variations) within a monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Alternative lifestyle - Having a sexuality that differs significantly from the "norm" (see Alternative sexuality) may make an alternative lifestyle necessary or desirable. A sexual orientation less common than the norm may stigmatize the individual pushing the person to seek a more accepting subculture. An example is homosexuality and the formation of the gay community.

Anal play - Any sexual or fetish practice concerning the anus and/or rectum, chiefly includes: anal sex, rimming, enema play, and anal fisting.

Anal training - Preparation of the anus for anal play.

Anilingus - Anal-oral sex. Dental dam or plastic wrap is helpful for preventing exchange of harmful organisms.

Animal play - Role playing wherein one or both partners assumes the role of an animal, chiefly: puppy, dog, and pony.

Asphyxiation play - Restricting air (and/or blood) flow by choking to enhance the sensation of orgasm. Very dangerous play, we donÃffÃ,¢eTMt recommend it.

BDSM - Once upon a time this was all called Sadomasochism (SM, S/M or S&M) and we were all deemed very bad, sick, perverted people. We were just people though, as horny as everyone is, with a little kink to make us special. But some of us didnÃffÃ,¢eTMt want to be called sick, bad perverts and these people invented names like Dominance and Submission (D&S, DS or D/s). Love Bondage (Love Bondage) and Bondage and Discipline (B&D) to make themselves and the pleasure police think that what they did was different from what those sad, twisted, nasty old sadomasochists did, no no! Then we all got online with our personal computers (well, a lot of us did) and began doing what people do best when theyÃffÃ,¢eTMre not having sex: argue. For months arguments about labels for our kinks clogged up the computer networks.

Finally, the term BDSM was born. This made many kinky people happy because it incorporated Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) and Sadomasochism (SM).

Black lightning - A common nickname for a black fiber glass or resin rod that is used as a cane. Denser than rattan, it can inflict deeper damage and the feel is described as "cutting." [see Cane]

Black snake - A type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to the knob.

Bloodsport - SM practices that result in drawing blood. Can include whipping or caning that breaks the skin, branding, cutting, and piercing.

Body fluid monogamy, body fluid bonding - A practice of sharing body fluids only between two partners in order to observe safer-sex recommendations. Commonly, the partners have been tested negative for HIV, sometimes also for hepatitis B and C. The partners may or may not play with others outside their relationship, but only by observing strict safer-sex rules. [see Safer Sex]

Bondage - Any practice involving restraints placed on the body to restrict freedom of movement.

Bondage and discipline, B~D - A classic term referring to several sexual practices including: bondage, slave training, corporal punishment, and dominant/submissive role play.

Bondage belt - A belt, usually leather with metal rings attached, to assist in performing bondage.

Bondage frame - Any stationary device used to assist in performing bondage.

Bondage harness - A configuration of straps, usually leather or nylon designed to: 1) ornament the body, and 2) aid in bondage and suspension bondage.

Bottom - An SM practitioner who submits to bondage, training, role play, corporal punishment, etc., but who is not necessarily emotionally committed to his/her dominant partner (top).

Bottoming from the top - Originally a derogatory term for a top who allows his bottom to run the scene, "bottoming from the top" has become a valid style of play. Most tops experience some scenes where they prefer to take at least some direction from their bottoms. Some even prefer this style of play and may call themselves submissive sadists. [see also, Topping from the bottom]

Bottom-space or sub-space - A type of erotically altered consciousness (EAC) identified with feelings of falling into a state of submission. Generally, bottom- or sub-space may be characterized by, diminished ego awareness, less active cognitive behavior, surrendering of will, and/or inability to verbalize. Frequently these functions are assumed by the dominant partner who becomes the submissive's center of focus.

Brat - A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top. Brattiness has a wide spectrum from the playful "uppity bottom" to the smart-ass masochist (which see). Some brats are "testing" their dominant, others have a desire to be "conquered and tamed," while some simply do not wish to be controlled. [see Smart-ass masochist]

Brain fade - A state of confusion and/or inability to reason experienced by the submissive. This effect usually results from psychological domination, the mind-fuck, or a deepening submissive state. [see Bottom-space, Sub-space]

Breast bondage - Tying the female breasts with cord, string, rope, rubber bands, scarves, etc. as a part of SM or erotic play. May include nipple bondage or clamping.

Breath control - Control of breathing by the dominant through use of a gas mask or similar apparatus, by choking, or by covering the mouth and nose.

Body modification - The general term for practices that reshape or ornament the body for ritual, erotic, decorative, or fetish purposes. The practices commonly include tattooing, piercing, branding, cutting, and corsetry.

Boundaries - Usually refers to limits (which see) negotiated prior to SM play.

Branding - Burning the skin, usually with heated metal, to produce scarification. Branding can be a part of a scene, ritual, or body modification. The design often consists of several unconnected lines and curves, each requiring a separate strike with heated metal, bent to form its part of the design. The reason for the unconnected lines is to assure that elements of the design do not scar into a shapeless mass; human skin heals differently than the hides of livestock.

Buggy whip - A single thong whip with a rigid core and a flexible cracker at the end.

Cage, bondage cage - Yup, a cage is a cage. These are big enough to hold the whole submissive.

Cane - Traditional canes are flexible rattan or bamboo optionally having a leather wrapped handle. Modern canes may be plastic or fiber glass.

Caning - The art of using a cane on a bottom.

Cat or cat o' nine tails - The term originally referred to a whip used by British navy. Now, cat usually to refers to all multi-thonged whips.

Catharsis - Purgation of emotions and or stress through an SM scene may or may not be intentional.

Checking-in - Asking the submissive how they are doing, feeling, etc. during a scene. Specific questions get more useful answers. An affirmative response to "Are you ok?" may merely indicate that death is not impending, but there still may be problems, particularly with a macho sub. "Would you enjoy heavier (or lighter) sensations?" is a better question. In SM play "is this good for you?" is asked during a scene rather than the typical "was it good for you?"afterwards. Checking-in should not replace a dominant's own observation and focus, it is another part of the safety net.

Cinching ÃffÃ,¢e" 1) Wearing of a cincher, a garment similar to, but less encompassing than a corset. 2) A bondage technique, for example, to tighten coils of rope holding the wrists together by wrapping the coils between the wrists by one or more "cinch loops" of rope.

Clamp, clamping - Nipple clamps, clothespins, and binder clips are used to pinch or squeeze a small bit of flesh. The target areas for clamping are nipples, cocks, vulvas, and other erotically sensitive areas such as the sides of the torso and inner thighs. Weights can be added to increase the rigor.

Clip - [see Clamp, Clamping]

Clean - A code word used to describe a condition of being disease free. [see Code word]

Cock and ball torture or CBT - Tortures are inflicted on these body parts using clothespins, clamps, cock cages, weight, and various kinds of bindings.

Code word(s) - Word(s) used in personal ads to disguise sexual proclivities that may be unacceptable to mainstream society, eg: English culture, French culture, Greek, clean, discipline, strict, leather, etc.

Collar, collared - 1) A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar is given in a relationship as a profound symbol of a commitment and bond. A "collared" submissive is considered to be owned (which see) or partnered with a dominant player. 2) A piece of bondage equipment worn around the throat.

Conditional compliance - The SM one-nighter, a limited exchange of power negotiated by a dom and sub for a single scene or brief period of play, such as overnight, one day, or one weekend. [see Power exchange levels]

Conditioning - The term used in psychology for the deliberate process of creating a psychological link between a desired response and an unrelated stimulus. Much of what people in the SM community refer to as training or slave training uses classic conditioning techniques.

Condom - A latex sheath used on a penis or toy as a barrier to prevent the transmission of disease or pregnancy. Natural lambskin condoms are also available, but don't function effectively to prevent the spread of viral illness. [see Safer Sex]

Consensual - Behavior or activities agreed to by all parties involved. True consent is informed consent and requires a reasonably accurate knowledge of possible risks.

Contrapolar stimulation "Hurts so good!" - A type of physical stimulation that Incorporates feeling of both pleasure and pain.

Corporal - Activities that involve the striking of one individual by another are called corporal from the term corporal punishment. Typically corporal activities include spanking, flogging, paddling, and caning.

Counting - The ritualized counting of strokes received. The sub may be required to thank the dominant with each count. Example: "One, thank you Sir. Two, thank you Sir, etc." A typically diabolic practice is to start the count over again each time a mistake is made. Some masochists never seem to get the count correct, even with their shoes off.

Covenant of dominance and submission - A deeply committed symbiotic relationship between a dominant and a submissive. [see Levels of power exchange]

Crossdressing - Dressing in clothes of the opposite gender.

Crucifixion - Bondage incorporating a stationary cross. The submissiveÃffÃ,¢eTMs arms and legs are tied, not nailed. Care must be taken to ensure that the torso is properly supported, otherwise, strangulation may occur.

Cuff, cuffing - 1) Placing handcuffs, manacles, or similar restraints on the wrists and/or ankles. 2) Also refers to the restraints in the noun form. For example: "That is a nice cuff youÃffÃ,¢eTMre wearing," or "This cuffing is very comfy."

Cutting ÃffÃ,¢e" I) slicing the skin as a part of body modification, ritual, or scene. Most frequently, designs are transferred to the skin as they would be for the creation of a tattoo. Then either scalpels, razor blades, art knives, or other cutting tool incise the skin at a depth of 1/16" to 3/16. Cuttings can include color by means of tattoo inks or cigar (not cigarette) ash rubbed into the fresh wounds. Care should always be taken to insure sterile conditions. 2) The breaking of skin by use of a corporal instrument. Single lash whips, canes, crops and others can cut if used improperly. 3) The deep stingy feel of some toys.

Dental dam - A latex barrier used for cunnilingus or anillngus to prevent disease transmission. Plastic food wrap is an inexpensive, but satisfactory, substitute.

Derivative pleasure, immediate/delayed - Corporal strokes that are painful at impact, but pleasurable following initial execution. An immediately derived pleasure stroke feels good right after the impact. Delayed derivative pleasure is an accumulation of painful strokes that explodes into sexual heat some time later.

Discipline - The "D" in B&D that can mean; 1) punishment 2) structured training of a submissive.

Do-me queen/king - A bottom that takes passive delight from the physical activities of scening without a desire to give submission or pleasure in return.

Dominance, dominance & submission, D/S, D&S - The consensual empowerment of one partner by the other for erotic enhancement. Dominance and submission are the psychological and emotional underpinnings of SM. [see Power exchange]

Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix - The person who is given control in a consensual exchange of power. Domme, Domina, and Dominatrix refers to women. Dominant, or Dom can refer to either gender.

Edge play - Erotic role play near or at the edge of a submissiveÃffÃ,¢eTMs or dominantÃffÃ,¢eTMs limits. The term also refers to activities that carry a higher than usual element of risk.

Electro-torture - The use of electrical stimulation to create a desired physical sensation.

Emotional buttons, emotional triggers - Associations with words, behaviors, or activities that provoke a strong emotional reaction. Dominants will do well to become familiar with the unique triggers of his submissive. It is important to know, as much as possible. which buttons evoke positive and negative responses.

Endorphins, endorphin high - Endorphins are substances created by the body to help endure pain or stress. Entirely natural, but theoretically similar in feel to opiates. The bodyÃffÃ,¢eTMs release of endorphins may create a feeling of well-being, even intoxication, which is called an endorphin high. People differ dramatically in their ability to release endorphins. The possibility of addiction to endorphins has been conjectured.

Enema - The instrument used for, or the act of injecting fluid into the anus to flush the lower intestines. Some people include enemas in SM scenes for humiliation, for preparation for other activities (such as fisting or anal sex), and/or simply because they may enjoy the sensation.

English - A code word for spanking or corporal punishment sometimes used in ads. We will have achieved social acceptance when ads in mainstream papers can say, "Romantic sadist seeks masochist lover," instead of nonsense like, "devotee of English culture seeks receptive partner."

Erotic power - Erotic power is like potential energy, becoming significant only when it is exchanged or used to empower a dominant by the transfer of control. [see Power exchange]

Erotic pain - Stimuli that are painful under normal circumstances, but are pleasurable or arousing in a sexual context.

Erotic restraint - Restricting movement for erotic play. Also, refers to the devices used for said purpose.

Erotic surrender - The sexually motivated gift of control of oneÃffÃ,¢eTMs self (within negotiated limits) to oneÃffÃ,¢eTMs partner. A more accurately descriptive phrase for submission.

Erotically altered consciousness, EAC - Any one of several altered states of consciousness achieved by erotic stimulation. [see: Bottom-space, Sub-space; Endorphin high, Flying, Top-space]

Fetish - A sexual fixation on an activity or object.

Fetish community - The name given to that group of people having an alternate sexual or gender orientation, but excluding the (vanilla) gay and lesbian communities.

Fire & ice - The use of hot and cold for sexual stimulation, especially hot wax dripped from a candle and ice applied to the skin.

Fisting - Insertion of the entire hand into the vagina (vaginal listing) or the anus [anal fisting).

Flagellation - The act of whipping a human being.

Flogger, flogging - An unbraided multi-thonged whip is a flogger. To whip using a flogger or other corporal instruments.

Flying - A transcendent state of consciousness sometimes achieved during an SM scene. This rapturous state has been so often described in a similar manner by independent sources that we have no doubt of the validity of the experience. Feelings described by the submissive seem similar to that of out of body experiences and often include a psychic link to the dom. Most commonly, this link is felt as either a tether to the dominant or as a feeling of being surrounded and protected by the domÃffÃ,¢eTMs presence or consciousness. Elation and spaciness experienced after flying may be felt for hours, even days after the session has ended.

French - A common code word for kissing involving the tongue, cunnilingus, and fellatio.

Foot fetish, foot worship - A sexual obsession directed toward the feet and/or shoes.

Forced oral, forced sex - Sexual role play where the dom pretends to force an activity that the sub pretends they are under duress to perform. It involves a shared suspension of reality. (A dom only "forces" the sub to perform activities he or she has requested.)

Gag, gaggage - devices that are inserted in or cover the mouth to muffle sound.

Gear - Toys, props, clothes and what-have-you used for scene purposes.

Gender community - People with cross-gender fantasies or cross-gender identification. Cross-dressers, transvestites, and transsexuals make up the gender community.

Gender orientation - Gender orientation is an issue apart from sexual orientation. It is self-identification and feelings of maleness or femaleness, rather than issues of sexual attraction. A person with an alternate gender orientation may or may not have an alternate sexual orientation. For example; a transvestite or a transsexual may be either heterosexual or gay.

Gender play - To dress up or take the role of the opposite sex during a scene. [see Sissification]

German - A code word for Sadomasochistic desires.

Golden shower - Urination on or in another person.

Greek - The code word for anal sexual activities.

Handcuffs - These metal shackles are used to bind wrists by law enforcement personal, legally, and by sadomasochists, covertly. Handcuffs are considered weapons and illegal to own in most states, but are easy to buy and commonly used.

Head games - 1) Domination where the focus is primarily mental, such as humiliation, rather than physical, such as bondage or whipping. 2) Non-consensual psychological manipulation to make a person respond in a particular way for one's own purposes.

Heavy - 1) Intense SM play or whipping. 2) A term describing an SM toy such as a flogger or cane that is capable of delivering intense sensations.

Hood - A covering for the head. Hoods used in SM are made of various materials, especially; leather, spandex, and rubber. Some hoods are constructed as ornamentation, others are used as a part of bondage to control or restrict sight, sound, speech (by incorporating a gag), and/or breathing.

Humiliation - Playful embarrassment or humbling a person by teasing them about their sexual desires can be part of erotic control. Humiliation in SM can paradoxically build a personÃffÃ,¢eTMs self-esteem rather than tearing it down by reinforcing their sexuality. Real attacks on a personÃffÃ,¢eTMs self-worth or sexuality, or manipulations designed to break their spirit are abuse not within the appropriate practice of SM.

Infantilism - Role play involving infant-like behavior such as diaper wearing, nursing, etc.

In-role - Assuming the persona of a sexual archetype or fantasy character.

Isolation - 1) A fear of interrelating with others. People are often; a) afraid to "come out" about their attraction to SM out of fear of societal repercussions, or b) they may think that no one shares their attraction to a particular SM (or other sexual) practice. In both cases, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, depression, and/or loneliness. 2] A technique of sensory deprivation, bondage, and trickery to make a submissive feel as though he or she is being left alone.

Japanese bondage - [see Oriental bondage, rope dress]

Katherine wheel - A piece of dungeon equipment that looks like a large, vertically mounted wheel to which a submissive is bound, allowing her to be turned or spun. Warning: not for use with the sub that is inclined toward motion sickness.

Knife play - Play that includes the use of a knife (does not necessarily imply cutting). Knives are more often used as props for psychological effect, to scrap wax from a body after a fire and ice scene, to remove clothing, and endless other devious purposes.

Latex - Latex and rubber are used to make clothing, sheets and other fetish items.

Leather butt - 1) A term that describes a person who has been beaten so often that only intense whipping has any effect. 2) The condition of the buttocks after heavy paddling. The skin compresses and becomes stiff or "leathery" to the touch. The compression effect is most pronounced with paddles, so leather butt can be avoided by using a mixture of implements.

Lifestyler - A person who lives a lifestyle that supports rather than conflicts with his SM fantasy archetype. Some lifestylers object to the characterization of their SM identities as fantasy role play, feeling that it is integral to their personalities rather than a sexual game. It is easy, and often attractive, to confuse reality and fantasy. [see Alternate sexuality; Alternate lifestyle; In-role]

Limit - The boundaries of SM activities set by both dominant and submissive during negotiation defining what each is willing and unwilling to do within a scene. Limits must be respected and never intentionally breached by either partner. Limits apply to roles, levels of dominance and submission, and duration of time, as well as physical activities such as whipping, paddling, etc.

Live-in slave - A lifestyle submissive in a committed relationship who lives within the context of a slave/master (or mistress) fantasy.

Macho sub - A submissive with a reluctance to show distress, use a safe word, or who feels a need to stoically endure what is not pleasurable. The macho sub may be motivated by a desire to prove her mettle, show devotion, or reflect her internal fantasy. The macho sub must make sure the dom is aware of her inclinations during negotiation. The dom of a macho submissive should rely more on a checking-in technique and less on spontaneous feedback. The macho subÃffÃ,¢eTMs saving grace is a strong desire to obey. Ordering her to communicate clearly about stress, as it occurs can override some of her reluctance to "be a wimp."

Masochism, masochist - The erotic enjoyment of pain, humiliation, and/or of being dominated. One who enjoys pain, etc. Sometimes the terms are used to describe one who enjoys heavier pain.

Master - A male that takes the dominant role in SM role play. The title may be bestowed upon the male dominant in appreciation of his skill. It may be a term of endearment or a loving tribute to a dom by a submissive in a relationship. Equally often, the term is self-aggrandizement by a male with dominant fantasies, not infrequently with "true" or "real" tacked in front.

Mental bondage- Ropeless bondage by command. A submissive instructed by her dominant to remain in position will feel bound to obey.

Mistress - A female dominant. [see Dominant, Dom, Domme, Domina, Dominatrix]

Mummification - A bondage technique of completely or almost completely wrapping a submissive in restrictive material, such as; plastic wrap, spandex, elastic or gauze bandages, etc.

Negotiation - The process of determining the practices and boundaries of sexual and SM activities between a top and a bottom. It may apply to the whole relationship or just a specific scene. Negotiating is an ongoing process that is repeated as the playersÃffÃ,¢eTM needs change.

Nipple clamps, nipple clips ÃffÃ,¢e" [see Clamp, Clamping]

Nipple play/torture - Stimulation of the nipples for corporal or erotic purposes. Often includes; sucking, pinching, clamping, fire and ice, or piercing.

Nonconsensual - SM play that is not sanctioned by either player.

Nostril strap - A device, usually of bent wire, with a string attached for hooking into the nostrils for humiliation and torment. Commonly used in Japanese SM.

Novice - A person with an interest in SM, but lacking in experience.

Oriental bondage, rope dress - Any of a number of styles of rope bondage stemming from styles used in